


Honey, I'm a robot.

by orphan_account



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Crack, Multi, Other, Reader-Insert, Robot!reader, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Based on jesters Tf2 headcanon "How would the mercs react if their s/o was secretly a robot"This is not supposed to be taken seriously and written at 3 am in the morning fueled by coffee and regret. This is one of my first fanfics and it's shit and probably ooc. English aint my native language so forgive the shit grammar if there is any.





	Honey, I'm a robot.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JesterMonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JesterMonkey/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Jester's Team Fortress 2 Headcanon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158874) by [JesterMonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JesterMonkey/pseuds/JesterMonkey). 



> Im new to ao3 and i hope i did the crediting and gifting thing right  
> I cant fucking write scout to save my life, send help.

It was a regular morning with your boyfriend. You were making breakfast, but something was nagging you for a while. The thing was, you were a Humanoid A.I and he was a human. He didn’t know this; you were good at hiding things. But for how long? He'll get to know eventually, you thought to yourself. "Will he be hurt? Angry? Will he leave me?" the thoughts bounced around. You decided it was time to tell him, delaying it will only make it worse.

Your Emotional system wanted to keep it a secret; to avoid heartbreak, but your logic board is telling to to say it because hiding will only make it worse. Conflicts between this two always stays. Usually following the logic board gives better results in the long run, but emotions are also important, it is generally what makes humans "different". You marvel at how humans have to deal with this conflict all the time, if you want you can turn your Emotional system off to not "feel" unwanted emotions, which might be exactly what you have to do today.

"Honey, Breakfasts done!" You call. Your boyfriend runs to the table. You both sit and eat; it was his day-off. He was talking about his achievements at work. "And then I bashed his skull in with my bat! Like this" He boasted, he stood and dramatically flung his aluminum bat. You giggled, this was one of main reasons you liked him, his enthusiasm, his confidence, the way his face lights up when he talks about his achievements. You really didn’t want to lose this, ever. But I suppose everything good can't last forever. A grim look spread on your face on that thought, And your boyfriend certainly didnt miss that, "What's wrong?

"Scout, we need to talk." You put out bluntly. "I know this can be a little hard, and I know I should have told you before, that I am a terrible person fro not telling you before," You can't even look at his face, the enthusiasm that was there now replaced with worry."I..." why is this so hard? "I.. I am not really human, I am actually a robot" you spat out. Fuck you couldn’t have phrased it better now.

There was a long awkward silence, before he started laughing like an idiot, "You're telling me you're a bot? Like those blocky tin cans gray mann built?" He snorted "Did I ever tell you 'bout the time we teamed up with the BLU's to kick the robots' asses?" He wasn’t taking this seriously at all. "Oh man, you really got a sense of humor!" He was turning purple from the lack of oxygen. You were slightly mad at him for not taking it seriously but I mean you can't blame him, Who wouldn’t react like this if their S/o said they were a robot just out of the blue like this.

It took a while for the laughter to fade out. But when it did oh boy, he started screaming. Very, very loudly. You should have expected that, but it still hurt a lil bit. But you can't blame him, who wouldn’t react this way if they found out their significant other was a robot?

"Yo-you really are a-a robot?!?" he stuttered. He was freaking out. You try to approach him, but he backs away, with his baseball bat in hand. You don’t want to fight him. You were a robot, although not built for fighting; you could take him on just fine if he were an average man. But he isn't, He is a trained mercenary. He may boast a lot about his job, but regardless he is good at what he does; that is killing people. He may look a little scrawny, but he is tough. He took on hoards of robots BUILT to kill all by himself. He is strong and not defenseless, he can and will fight if needed.

You can't win against him in a fight; you don’t want to start one either.

"Scout, listen I know this is hard to swallow, but please calm down" You requested. You needed him to stay calm.

"St-stay away!" He yelled. He was breathing heavily.

Maybe you should back down and first let him calm down, you backed down. As soon as you did he ran up to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

It took a while, about an hour or two; but he did come downstairs after calming down. But he did have lots of questions about this whole robot fiasco.

"So you are telling me, you really are a robot?" Scout asked.

"Yes" You replied bluntly, silently being glad that he did calm down. "Does this change anything between us?" You bit your lips nervously.

"I mean it does, alot, like I just found out my (Girl/boy)Friend's a _robot_ " He said, "But it doesn't have to change our relationship you get what I'm sayin?" "Oh man, you aint gonna try to vaporize me now or something, are ya?" He asked, legitimately thinking you might do that.

"You read way too many comic books, Scout." You can't help but laugh a little at that absurd comment.

"I aint hearing a no here" He joked. Still sort of in a state of shock from the fact from just getting the news his significant other is a robot.

"If that's what you want to hear then, no I wont vaporize you; I don't even have that feature in me" You confessed. You were glad that nothing had to change.

"Oh well, then that’s just great you aren't trying to take over the world or anything"

"Wait, how am I going to tell this to _ma_?" He asked, "I can't just go up to her and say 'Hey ma! My (Girl/Boy)Friend is a robot! Are you proud of me?' It would be way too awkward. Wait, am I even _supposed_ to tell anyone about this? Is this supposed to be a secret? I don't think I can keep this a secret from The Administrator, that old lady knows even more than the spy; and that French bastard knows a LOT of things! Wait, do they _know_ already!? why am I always the last one to know anything!? Un _freaking_ believa-"

"Scout, you dont _have_ to keep me a secret."

"Wait, really? I mean its kinda weird that -"

"If one of your teammates can have _cardboard cutouts_ of people as _'friends'_ I think its not too weird for you to be in a romantic relationship with a robot"

"I mean, I guess that makes sense?"

"..."

"So, I can brag _all_ I want about having a robot (Girl/Boy)Friend?"

_Sigh_

"Nothing I say will stop you now, will it?"

"Of course not! I now have a freaking personal robot s/o that can shoot lasers and stuff!"

You didn’t have the guts to tell him you _can't_ shoot lasers, but you are happy, he is happy; the rest of the team however, will not be too happy about having to constantly having to listen to his bragging for the rest of the week,(God bless Engineer's soul, he really is a patient man) but it all is well now.

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy this garbage and feel free to roast it in the comments


End file.
